So, you’re on Facebook and there are a few girls that you’re ‘friends’ with that you would like to attract. So you want to sound smart or funny? Or maybe you want to show that your business minded or family oriented, it really doesn’t matter. We all know that all the hot girl’s ‘friends’ don’t have the pleasure of spending all day with you and hearing all the things that make you interesting, so say it on Facebook! You can portray just about anything you want to with your Facebook statuses.
I found this recent study in Men’s Health Magazine. Over 890 women were polled: “What impresses you most on his Facebook page?”
If you look at the facts of this survey, you can get in the mind of these women. The status update is just merly a few points ahead of movies/music and pictures, so I wouldn’t over look the other categories as ‘not important’. Because they do carry some value and deserves some time and thought also. So I collected some of the updates I have used over the years, and even listed some that I haven’t used yet. Some of these update I grabbed online, but many of them are originals, so if you want to change a few words around nobody would know that they werent your original words. Here is your list of Facebook Status Updates so you dont have to spend time on thinking of you own, you can spend your time on the other categories listed. Have fun!
Clever Facebook Status Updates:
- [Name]‘s charm is so contagious that a vaccine was created for it.
- A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said… don’t do it man … you will never hear the end of it!
- A one minute kiss burns 26 calories, so if you need help working out, I’ve been told that I’m a great spotter.
- All women r beautiful except the ugly ones
- Did u know that when some1 annoys u, it takes 42 muscles to frown, But it only takes 4 muscles to extend ur arm out and smack’em in the head
- Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday (M) and Tuesday (T); the rest of the week says WTF?
- dreams of a better world…where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)
- feels like getting some work done…and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
- FYI, here’s a little known fact: beer does not make you FAT- it makes you LEAN…against tables, chairs, walls and ugly people.
- Grammar is important. For instance, commas save lives: Let’s eat grandpa. Lets eat, grandpa
- has advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
- has been cleaning up his friends list… if you’re reading this, congratulations! You’re still cool! But don’t get too comfortable
- has CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order…like they should be.
- has had amnesia for as long as he can remember
- Have had enough of girls that are only beautiful on the outside (got a bunch of likes from guys and girls and a couple girls comments.)
- hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said “u r next” They stopped that when I did the same to them after funerals
- Have you noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet he’s not laughing out loud
- When somebody says you’ve changed, it’s only because you stopped living your life their way.
- Hey baby, wanna come over to myspace so I can twitter ur yahoo til u google all over my facebook?
- I ♥ me! You should too!
- I love it when it rains… that way nobody can see my tears
- I never apologize! Sorry that’s just how I am…
- I’m gullible, send me a message!
- I’ve won the lottery!! $14 million!
- I’m pregnant! So happy!
- is a lover not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter so don’t get any ideas.
- is bringing sexy back.
- is fed up with Indian Givers — no, wait, I take that back
- is giving love a bad name.
- is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
- Is looking for a serious relationship this weekend…
- is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that he may cause nausea, fatigue, spontaneous fits of joy, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if he is right for you.” (or you can tweak it up with “until you know how ____ affect you do not drive or operate machinery.”)
- is not suitable for minors.
- is now accepting applications for an Evil Sidekick.
- is now accepting Girlfriend Applications. Must be 18 or older to apply.
- is officially (your city)’s #1 bachelor.
- is on your mind right now. See? Told you!
- is out saving the world… one girl at a time
- is proud of himself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
- is so hot Al Gore blames him/her for global warming.
- is somewhat skeptical you’re laughing out loud as much as you claim.
- is the hottest thing next to the sun.
- is the next big thing.
- is the opposite of modest, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid.” borrowed from T.I – Live Your Life
- is the reason that Santa has a naughty list.
- is thinking about you every 7 nanoseconds.
- is thinking that Facebook must be female. Just when you think you’ve figured her all out, she changes.
- is tired of girls just wanting him for sex.. I’m a human being with EMOTIONS!”
- is too sexy for this status.
- is wondering if anyone knows where to buy a comfortable, inexpensive manthong?”
- is wondering if he can bring Sexyback without a receipt?
- is wrong for you anyway
- isn’t going to take life seriously… Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- It’s the quiet ones u have to watch…
- just noticed that someone got onto his facebook and deleted all the hot girls
- likes big butts and he cannot lie.
- My last gf broke up with me, because she said I never paid attention to her and some other stuff, idk I wasn’t really paying attention to her…
- Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn’t surprising really, since it isn’t my birthday
- Not bad for a white boy…
- once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels.
- or (is tired of women treating him like some kind of sex object. I have feelings too you know!!”
- says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- says some say the glass is half empty, some say it’s half full… I say “Are you gonna drink that?
- says, “Anyone who uses the phrase ‘easy as taking candy from a baby’ has never tried taking candy from a baby.
- seriously.. is there any girl out there that can even keep up?
- Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say, “YOU’RE IT!!” and then run away.
- thinks beauty is common.. find me a girl who can make a killer lasagna and then I’ll truly be happy”
- thinks brunettes do it better.” lots of girls qualifying themselves.
- thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest invention ever thinks copy & paste is the greatest…
- thinks of himself in 3rd person since joining Facebook.
- thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”
- thinks women are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, the others are too far, and the rest are all just handicapped.
- To all single ppl, there r plenty of fish in the sea but if you want a fish, that’s probably y ur still single
- U better keep ur eye on me girl!
- U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown l
- used to have a handle on life… but, it broke
- used to play sports. Then he realized you can buy trophies. Now he’s good at everything.
- Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
- would all past lovers please get in contact immediately.
- You know what makes me smile? (facial muscles)
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